The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
