I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
