remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
