Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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