hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
