we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
