dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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