I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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