You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
