My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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