My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
