I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
