i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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