how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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