I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
honey bunches of taint.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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