Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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