I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
