he wants to bone in the snuggie
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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