Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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