i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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