we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize