I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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