I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
