It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
