I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
