I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
