totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
