it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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