tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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