I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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