discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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