Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
