My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
