High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
