Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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