Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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