fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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