i just had sex bonerless
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
