So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
