sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
