Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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