Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
