Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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