I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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