you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
