Its about making memories worth repressing
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize