We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
