i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
