Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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