I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
