eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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