The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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