So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
