Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
