Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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