As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize