Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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