how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
