her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
