I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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