Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
