Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
