margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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