We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize