watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
How's work?
Spinning.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
