If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
