I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize