Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
