So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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