its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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