there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
