Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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