Can Purell be used as lube?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
