Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
