so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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