Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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