YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
