I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's official drugs can't kill me
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
