I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
