FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize