I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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