We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
its not stalking. its research.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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