i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
