I just made out with a guy for $7.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Who died my cat blue again?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
